Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sometimes things have a mind of their own.

I honest to (well whatever the hell I believe in) swear that the foods and silverware and dishes in my home actually come to life.  I SWEAR IT!  I mean no one can be soooo clueless or unable to control their food urges to the extent that I do. So it must be the food!

For instance...last night...I ate three bowls of cereal after dinner last night which was a horrible idea...I know.  BUT it wasn't totally my fault. You see the Cereal was in the kitchen and it was fighting with the peanuts that were in the cupboard so I had to separate the two.  When I did, the cereal jumped into the bowl and started fighting with the spoon.  I happen to get too close when trying to break it up and the Cereal then decided to jump down my throat and proceed to Kung fu with the healthy food I ate all day yesterday.  So I didn't sleep with all the kung fu in my tummy.

It was a very evil type of cereal too. All hyped up on Sugar. I swear if it had thumbs, it would have stabbed me with a spork!

I can't be the only person that this shit happens to!

If I think back...even the foods that are invited into my house have a tendency to come to life on my counter top.  Like they are part of a gang and ended up on the wrong side of the tracks and it is survival of the fittest and apparently the Pizza Man pizza is much stronger than I am!  I really tried to protect the plates but the pizza totally jumped right out of the box and landed on the plate like it was nobody's business.  To save the plate I had surrender myself to the Pizza.

I am just that caring about my dishes!

I have not invited a Pizza Man pizza in my house since either! I have learned my lesson.  Violent foods should be avoided at all cost!

And they are deceiving too.  Making me think they are there for me in a crisis.  All warm and cozy like.  Just eat me up and you will feel forever better! THEY LIE MAN! You eat those little bastards and you know what they do??? They upset your tummy...then make you feel all bloated and achy. And worse yet, your pants get all tight and uncomfortable too!   Like they are attacking you from the inside!

It is fucking insane!  

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