Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Depression is an asshole!

So how do you go about telling your loved ones that you hate life, want to crawl in a hole and just be alone for the rest of eternity and you really cannot give them a reason why or a how to fucking fix it. I get no enjoyment from things that I know I should. I go through each day hoping the day ends soon...wishing entire weeks away but smiling so no one asks what is wrong. I can't fucking explain what is wrong and I don't want to have to.

Oh that's right you tell them you have depression and it is an asshole and there is nothing they can do about it so leave me the Fuck alone. 

Now that can't be right....maybe I should thank them for their concern but honestly here is nothing anyone can really do to fix it?

Ugh....this shit is making me miss people I had in my life forever ago....people I had amazing bonds with that understood me....the people I could be bitchy with or goofy with when the mood would strike. The girls I used to blare the music in the car with and we would scream or sing along. We would make up words and laugh. Ever since I lost those people I have been struggling to find people that helped me feel way but have fail miserably.

So If you were wondering where I have been....why I haven't written much since July....I have been in my own personal shithole head.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

I take it back...

I guess I have now received the memo?  In the form of a Save the Date.  I have been invited to one of the functions that all the other suburbia mom's engulf themselves in on a regular basis.  To make matters even more intimidating...it is a double!  The save the date is for an Uppercase living demo and something called Thirty-One(which I thought was just a number until I googled it.). 

Let the anxiety ensue!  (I'll take a vodka diet on the rocks, hold the diet and the rocks!)

First off....I don't exactly decorate my home.  I mean, there is stuff in my home but I wouldn't consider it Uppercase Living kind of decor! I also have no need for even more Bags in my house.  I get the cheap ones/free ones at races I participate in or buy the cub ones when I really need to. 

Second...why is it that these women only get together to help each other spend money?  Something I am lacking significantly lately. It is always things that I honestly see no need to have in my home.  Quotes on my walls? Really?  No thank you.

This leads me to wonder...where they got the story lines for Desperate house wives. Those women had Poker night....drinks on the porch and serious gossip sessions in the street!  All this time I have been being lied to by my favorite network television shows.  They show neighborhoods of people gathering, children playing and parents having their vodka on the rocks in the streets. These are the things I long for. BBQ's with the neighbors while the kids all play ball together. Everyone discussing the latest milestone each child has encountered.  Helping each other with home projects while sharing a bottle of wine or case of beer.

I get instead, house parties where a consultant comes to sell me things that I can ensure them many times I do not need, yet end up leaving $150 broker and a promise that my items will arrive in 4 to 6 weeks. 

Maybe I can teach these women a thing or two about how this really should be done. 

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Suburbia is sucking the life out of me.

I am a suburbia mom.

How the Fuck did this happen. I mean I have never been the ultra hip, night club going, designer dress wearing type. But suburban mom kind of snuck up on me.
I kind of pictured my life in the city...cool loft condo, coffee houses, and without kids.

I guess this is where I should tell you I do love my boys. I promise.

There are just a whole lot of times during the week where....I am not quite sure how I got here.

School carnivals, parent teacher meetings, swim lessons, play dates, playing tooth fairy and santa clause....the list goes on and on. And to make matters worse, I swear I have nothing in common with these other women.

They seem so happy in their lives of PTA meetings and soccer games. It just all terrifies the shit out of me.

They have formed these groups....people that get together for birthdays at Chuck e cheese and antigravity zone. They go on "Girl's Weekends" at cabins together and all have been friends for years. And somehow...even though I am a young mom....I missed the memo. Or maybe they just decided not to send it to me. Either way....I am not in the loop.

Sometimes I feel that if I would be included in these ultra seclusive groups maybe all this suburbia life would be so much easier to deal with...maybe being included would make all the blandness of suburbia feel more alive.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Trying to Learn Twitter....AGAIN.

So this morning I had my first Panic attack since coming off my meds...well if you don't count the one I had last weekend....But that one was more rage induced instead of pure panic. 

The clock was ticking away and of course....like every day mainly...Nick was taking his dear sweet time in the shower. 


I had the palm sweating, the shaking, the feeling of being in a very small box that has just been buried deep below the deepest floor of the ocean.  You know..I basically freaked the fuck out! All because of the damn clock!

So the car ride consisted of cricket silence and me reading Jenny Lawson's book.

I love that my husband and I work at the same place. Gives us lots of time to chat during the day....oh wait...I mean work. Yeah that's what we do there!

ME:  Sorry for the mini melt down this morning.

NICK:  Sorry for being a zombie this morning.

ME:  Well at least you didn't eat my brains.  I mean, Friday's are hard enough to get through without being braindead.

So we made up. It was nice. And I feel better.

I started playing around on the internet...then I remember I signed up for Twitter a long time ago and maybe I should check my account to see if anything interesting is happening there. 

I realized as I was playing around on it that I really just have no clue what the purpose of it is and really posting things really doesn't do much since I have a whole 23 people following my boring ass.


NICK: Lots to do, not getting anything I was supposed to get done. SOMEONE is consuming the entire day

ME: Well I am bored out of my mind!

NICK:     you can have my work 

ME:       Hmmmm no thank you! 

NICK:     OK be my Cube body guard. Everytime she comes in, you throw her out 

ME:       Trying to figure out how to make Twitter fun since I don't seem to have many people following me...posting really isn't that entertaining. Can I punch them in the throat? Soft tissue punches are the best! 

NICK:     Babe, you can and I'll take video. 

ME:       AND WE CAN POST IT ON TWITTER! That would get people to follow my boring ass! 

NICK:     Twitter is my main source of news. 

ME:       You know I don't like news! smh 

NICK:     But the books you read, do you follow those writers? 

ME:       Yes I twittered to one today telling her to write another one so I can survive. No response  wait...is twittered a word? 

NICK:     tweeted 

ME:       Ah thanks...see I am not good at this bird lingo! 

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sometimes things have a mind of their own.

I honest to (well whatever the hell I believe in) swear that the foods and silverware and dishes in my home actually come to life.  I SWEAR IT!  I mean no one can be soooo clueless or unable to control their food urges to the extent that I do. So it must be the food!

For instance...last night...I ate three bowls of cereal after dinner last night which was a horrible idea...I know.  BUT it wasn't totally my fault. You see the Cereal was in the kitchen and it was fighting with the peanuts that were in the cupboard so I had to separate the two.  When I did, the cereal jumped into the bowl and started fighting with the spoon.  I happen to get too close when trying to break it up and the Cereal then decided to jump down my throat and proceed to Kung fu with the healthy food I ate all day yesterday.  So I didn't sleep with all the kung fu in my tummy.

It was a very evil type of cereal too. All hyped up on Sugar. I swear if it had thumbs, it would have stabbed me with a spork!

I can't be the only person that this shit happens to!

If I think back...even the foods that are invited into my house have a tendency to come to life on my counter top.  Like they are part of a gang and ended up on the wrong side of the tracks and it is survival of the fittest and apparently the Pizza Man pizza is much stronger than I am!  I really tried to protect the plates but the pizza totally jumped right out of the box and landed on the plate like it was nobody's business.  To save the plate I had surrender myself to the Pizza.

I am just that caring about my dishes!

I have not invited a Pizza Man pizza in my house since either! I have learned my lesson.  Violent foods should be avoided at all cost!

And they are deceiving too.  Making me think they are there for me in a crisis.  All warm and cozy like.  Just eat me up and you will feel forever better! THEY LIE MAN! You eat those little bastards and you know what they do??? They upset your tummy...then make you feel all bloated and achy. And worse yet, your pants get all tight and uncomfortable too!   Like they are attacking you from the inside!

It is fucking insane!  

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

I may not be to your liking.

So as I stated previously, I am off my meds!  Been on them for years and the doc and I decided to try something completely different after I started having side effects that I didn't want to deal with.

Now that a few months have past, I think I finally can tell that it is all out of my body and can decide if it was the right choice.  And it WAS!

Granted, life will never be rainbows and butterflies...but at least now when it is...I FEEL IT! And when it is Thorns and Assholes...I feel that too.  Of course that is the down side.

I finally feel completely clear.  Like I can think without this huge fog clouding my head up with garbage telling me everything is FINE.

The word fine kind of pisses me off actually.

The best part is hearing people tell me how much they like how I am off the medication.  I have had friends tell me that I am more fun, my mom told me that I seem clearer and less blah.

The hard part is there are others that don't really get that my personality is not meant to be BLAH.  It is not meant to be one of someone who sits on the sidelines watching things happen. I like to make things happen and for the longest time...that has all been stuck in my head.  I felt trapped in my own mind by the meds.

I may not be little Miss Suzie Sunshine to everyone around me, making everyone happy all the time, and trying to ensure everyone feels good but I feel better, I am happy. That is what matters. 

I guess to those that don't like the way I really am...the way I am suppose to be, I can't control that.  And that is something I am finding has helped me out a lot over the last couple months.  I can't control everything.  I can't juggle all the balls of life around and keep them all in the air.  Not without help anyway. 

I can't control how people feel about me, those feelings are theirs and theirs to deal with.  But most importantly, I am not taking their feelings as my own.  I am not pulling their feelings into my head and believing that they are ultimately correct.  I have my own feelings, I know why I act the way I do and cannot control if someone else perceives it as a negative behavior just because it isn't what they are used to.

And to those people...I hope you at least try to stick around....try to understand me for who I am and accept me that way. I was never fake...more like bottled up. But if you can't accept me for me, I get it.  Not everyone is everyone else's cup of tea right? 

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


OK I pretty much suck lately.  Attitude, sucks.  Eating, Sucks. Workouts, SUCK!  Everything that I once loved about myself....Yeah...pretty much sucks lately.  But it is all relative really.  My attitude went down hill because of a little Cheating bitch that seems to think her actions do not effect others since her husband doesn't know what the fuck is going on.

You KNOW I just wanna be like dude...open your freakin eyes.  But there are kiddos involved and that makes things so much worse. 

I know...I should just forget about knowing the information...I should just move past it and get over the bullshit.  I CAN'T!  I want to more than anything! Seriously, it eats at my stomach. 

So I have been all spittin' vinegar for the past month or so....and when I do that I have a hard time staying away from carbs and all other foods created by Satan himself. 

So I have been eating like a complete moron.  I reign it in but then it gets out of control again and again and again....

Well when I eat crap food...I get no results from my workouts...and my workouts are harder because I feel like the food that I ate....CRAP!  AND THENNNNNNNNNN My attitude goes even further into the fucking SHITTER!

I have been trying new programs, new food choices, reading articles about happy things trying to develop a new attitude.  HEAD DESK!

I need something that is going to work...something that will exhaust me to no end and at the same time bring the HAPPY BACK!  Think think think.....

WHY AM I NOT FUCKING RUNNING????????? The feeling of propelling myself into motion.  Being under my own control. No one talking...no one making excuses...no one judging.  Just fucking run away from it all for even just a little while. And hopefully...just run right back to where I used to be! 

My happy place is on the pavement...it always has been. The one place where I can feel free~

Monday, May 14, 2012

shit or get off the pot

So say I tell you the truth when you ask me what you should do....would you take my advice?

If I were to tell you that I think what you are doing is wrong would you listen?

If I were to say that what you are doing is effecting me in some manner that I don't want to continue to endure would you care?

What if I told you I know exactly what you need to do....would you listen and make this whole situation better even if it means dealing with things that are going to be hard?

Making tough decisions is always fucking hard...it takes a strong person to do that.  Basically you either shit or get off the pot.  It aint that hard.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

And Breath!

I try very hard to find humor in just about every situation.  Even the very not so funny, make you wanna cry, bang your head against a brick wall, force yourself to run till exhaustion, stab yourself in the eye with a dull pencil kind of situations.

Oh come on...we all have those! DON'T LIE TO ME!

I have been having a few of those days lately.  I am sort of waking up to those days.  DAMN PILL WITHDRAWAL GO AWAY ALREADY! FUCKER!

And Breath!

Ok...I KNOW everyone is just trying to help me get through all this shit. I DO know it! SERIOUSLY! FUCKING LISTEN I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!  Problem is ... even THAT is annoying me. Like nails on a chalk board and I want to smash their hand! and then I breath and feel a little better.

But then BOOM! Freakin Holli shows us that she eats her own shit?!?!?!? WTF DOG! REALLY!  How can that possibly taste good??? And then you expect me to let you lick my face and hands. I don't think so bitch step off!  Ok I still love you but really??? Why couldn't you do that in secret so I could live in complete denial that you are a poop eater! UGH!

And Breath!

And then...YES THERE IS A FREAKIN AND THEN! I go to get dressed in this great spring Minnesota humid as hell but still chilly weather.  And EVERYTHING feels too tight and is way too clingy!  Now I know I have gained weight and I am seriously working on that..(this is a whole other and then!) but why can't I seem to get my house cool enough and dry enough to be able to walk around with my clothes on and not SWEAT! I find myself swearing at my clothes, pulling at them and just plain old wanting to, yes, punch someone in the fucking FACE!  Do we have any volunteers???

And Breath!

Yep...you guessed it...and THENNNNNNN  I step on the scale in the morning to see I have lost NOTHING.  After almost a whole week of eating right, working out, trying to push and motivate and be the healthy person I once was.....NOTHING!  But of course, my great husband that has those fabulous male genes that allow them to drop 10 lbs while they sleep is already losing PANT SIZES! Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of him and excited for our new adventure together but for FUCKS sake! Why can't I at least have a pound!!!!!!!!!!!

And Breath!

I do have to say, I am very grateful to the freaks that still love me and stand by my side every day.  I am quite positive that I am making them miserable.  Not that I am trying to.  Really I am not!  PROMISE!  If I could make all these crazy feelings go away, that would be first on my to do list! So thank you to all my FREAKY FRIENDS AND FAMILY! You all pretty much rock and are pretty much amazing in every way. 

Friday, April 27, 2012

I may be inherently Evil?

Ok...so this might end up funny in the long run but not so sure at the moment...maybe tomorrow I will look at this and think...yes, indeed it is hilarious!

I woke up in a very piss poor shitty mood.  Followed by the puppy driving me crazy by getting into every little thing this morning, then I forgot my badge to get into work...then work started pissing me off just because there was work to be done.  But really after I sit here and think about it the things that get me the most today are the stupid things.

I mean...like who sits in the stall next to the ONE other person in a public restroom....I mean there are 12 stalls in there!?!  Why sit right next to me.  I would appreciate NOT having to listen to your business! I guess some people like to listen to others poop! Not so much on this end! Thanks!

And how about those asses that seem to think their knees can't bend so they shuffle their feet down the hall ways at work like they have no where to be.  People I am trying to get my shit down so I can get out of this joint and you are totally slowing down my process.  Wanna get punched in the face? NO?  Oh then pick up your damn feet and move!

Then there are those morons that hug the walls when they walk around a corner even if they would end up on the wrong side of the hall....then when they almost run you over because of this stupid behavior they give ME the dirty look.  Again I ask...wanna get punched in the face?I promise if you give me that dirty look again, you will!

The people that have a super annoying laugh/cackle!  SHUT THE FUCK UP! Seriously.  Do you not hear yourself! I have heard birds that have a more pleasant laugh than you....YES BIRDS LAUGH! Fucking look that shit up!

Thank you for listen...I am going to go have a cafe-mocha-Vodka-valium-latte and chill the fuck out! Or maybe I will just work out like a pissed off bitch tonight. Who knows!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

I'm coming down................

There is totally a party going on inside my body lately but unfortunately it is filled with unwanted guests that don't seem to want to go home...LIKE EVER!

I don't recall inviting the pot smokers, booze drinkers and the huffers but let me tell you...they are all getting together and putting some serious peer pressure on my inners!  I feel like I have done all three (not that I would know what that would feel like or anything, I can only assume!) and right when I think I am coming down it all attacks just for a little fun!

Now I am not completely complaining because in some situations this would be completely awesome! Like how fun would it be to have to take a pee test because your boss thought you were seriously fucked up on all kinds of drugs just to find out that you are completely clean. TAKE THAT BOSS LADY...but of course that isn't happening.

Or how about you are too broke to buy said illegal substance or even the legal ones at that...and all you have to do is sit on your couch and WAMMMMMMM! You are feelin the effects!  Yeahhhh that isn't really the case either.

I almost feel crazy...like lock me up in a little padded room and take away the shoe laces kind of crazy.  And the cotton mouth is totally not helping.  I know a person needs to drink their water but I have already drank approximately 135 oz of water today and it isn't even 11 yet! I hope I don't fucking drown myself!

It is a little concerning that I feel as if I could run millions of miles yet can't get my ass out of bed in the morning this week! And even more serious is the feeling of fighting every soul around me. And I mean every soul...the damn bird in the tree was mocking me and if I could have climbed the damn thing the bird would have totally been sorry!

So the lessons that should be taken by all of this I suppose are the following:

Fuck with me today and die...
Push me to run them damn miles while I still have the idea in my head....
Sometimes feeling completely out of whack can be really freakin funny in my head but not so much on paper!

Jenny Lawson gave me reason to LIVE!

After having a few days of feeling like I was punched in the face, had my throat slit, and then all my eye lashes pulled out one by one with a bad pair of tweezers....I really was thinking that all things great could end and I wouldn't even notice.  Yes, coming off my meds is a little rocky!  Like a ride across a wooden bridge that is missing every other board in a truck with two flat tires.  It is the most awesome feeling ever as you can imagine! And I am rocking it like no other! 

Of course my mood yesterday was turned in a completely different direction! Thank you U.S. Postal service and of course....MS JENNY LAWSON!!!!! She is absolutely amazing on a daily basis cheering me up but now I can totally carry her with me!  As her book landed in my mailbox that I preordered ohhhhhh a month and a half ago! Swoooooooooon!

Let's Pretend It Didn't Happen hit #1 on the New York Times best sellers yesterday! WAY TO GO JENNY!  Must feel amazing to have a best seller on your very first book!

It saved my day yesterday just by looking at the cover but the words made it even better! I am already through the first four chapters! Which pretty much gives me an A+ because when reading I usually get bored with the first couple pages.....that's probably why I love blogs so much! Not this one though. All I have to say is Poop Rope and I bet you will all HAVE to go buy a copy!  Maybe if you are really lucky AND a close friend of mine...I will let you borrow mine...not for keeps mind you...but borrow after I get done reading it 15 times and the pages are no longer pretty!

Thanks to Jenny I believe I am fully reloaded to start up the end of this week!  We have a baseball scrimmage tonight, signing up for the Y tomorrow(hehe..at 31 years old you would think I wouldn't giggle over that anymore...but I do!), puppy training...The torture chamber(Orange Theory) and Dylan's First baseball game where he gets to wear his cup(how excited he was to purchase this thing but I believe he is less then pleased with the reality of it.) on Saturday.  Oh living the dream!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

3 day weekends rock my socks! Although...I really don't like socks.

Hating my computer right now because I typed up a very long yet funny blog last night and the damn thing didn't save.  Technology hates me I swear!  I also had a very long drawn out fight with my phone for not uploading my picture to facebook last night as well.

This weekend was a lot of fun but due to lack of time and stupid technology hatred of me....I need to shorten it up a bit.  I discovered a few things....

First of of I have a very unsettling love of large water jugs! The pink one below fell right into my cart and good ol' Walmart without me even noticing....Ok I noticed a little. Let me tell you though...the features are amazing! (YES A WATER JUG CAN HAVE FEATURES!)  Keeps things cold for 12 hours and hot for 6, handle is made for right or left handed individuals and it also has a bottle opener! YES! A bottle opener.  So while I am being all healthy with my lovely water...I can be super helpful for my friends that are indulging in a brew or 8!

I did just that on Saturday night while Nick and his buddy nearly blew up the town of Scandia with a can of gas and a lighter.  Oh boys, they are so adorable sometimes! 

On Friday, I had a discussion with my mom about what I should do for patio furniture this year since we wanted to get rid of our old stuff.  Her and I thought bistro tables would be super cute. I always hate when we think something will be cute because then I have to convince Nick it will be cute.  He doesn't always like to agree with my mom and I.  But I got my bistro tables! Ok now look down! Nice right. I got two.  One for each side of the fire pit!

Our old furniture was taken by a garbage creeper named Jen! lol I wanted to get a pic of her in action but I was too busy helping her get it in her trunk...well sort of.  Good thing she lives close, I doubt it would have made it all the way home!

(that black butt in the background is my BFF Holli. She needs a wax!)

Speaking of Holli....Now is a great time to give you the story of how she came to be.  It is a sad story.  I had this very fantabulous dog named Zoey.  Well I thought she was...she would lay on the couch with me...following me...hang out with me and for the most part stay in the yard.  Well she got Cancer right before my birthday last year.  I fought like hell to keep her going but unfortunately she lost the battle.

I loved her with all my heart but I couldn't see sitting in my house without those four paws running around so I looked on Craigslist the very next morning.  Now fate told me I HAD to do that.  Three lines down in the pet ads was one for a Boxer/Lab mix.  That is what Zoey was!  I contacted the girl to find out how much and where she was at.  Then I sent the link to Nick.  Of course we all know how he is. Let the convincing begin!  

He got the scoop from the girl on craigslist about how the puppies came about (snickers) and since the price was right and I wouldn't shut up with my begging....(I know shocker!) We drove and hour and a half to look at them. 

Nick fell in love with the little licking pups right away but there was one...a special one with lots of little white toes.  She won his heart and ultimately became my birthday present!  She was to be my little heart healer! 

On the way home we were thinking of millions of names, downloaded a baby name app, watched signs and listened to her howl like she thought she was a coyote!  When the boys finally said they had to use the restroom, we stopped at a Holiday station leaving Nick in the jeep with the noname puppy! I came out and he said...how about Holiday....or Holli?  And it stuck...for us! I am sure she will learn her name eventually! lmao

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Meet my Husband.

I will have been married to my husband for 10 years this coming August(the poor man). We have been through a lot together and no matter what we have been by each others side.  

Hubs:  so i have used spotify for a month. I don't think I can live without it. 100 times better than pandora. 

Me:  lmao 
       then try living without a couple trips to aramark. 
Hubs:  ... 
          I needed some crack today 

Me:  LMAO 
       I told you NO crack only energy drinks allowed 
       UGH I am so freakin hungry! (Notice how he completely ignores this.)

Hubs:  what if it was called crack? 

Me:  Hmmm an energy drink called crack? 

Hubs:  they have one called cocaine

Me:  Mmmmm now that is so much more up my alley. It is much higher class! 
       Bankers and Investment types used that stuff in the 80s! 
       Molly Might have her baby tomorrow night. Should we get her the onsie that says 
       "I can't go back to Prison!" or the one that says "sorry for the disappointment...I 
       am just a damn baby...Maybe your expectations are too high!" 
       Um Hello? Which baby gift should we send her? 

Hubs:  either 

Me:  Which is more off base? 

Hubs:  either 

Me:  You are seriously no help! 


Should I be worried that my hubs has decided that a crack or cocaine habit is necessary?  I really am hoping that it is because of his job and not me?  I really don't think I am that hard to keep up with.  

Hubs:  have you ever listened to skrillex? "Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites" by Skrillex 
ME:  Yes actually I ran to that this morning lmao It is a little scary in the dark. lol

Hubs:  He has a few good ones 

A little later....
Hubs:  yay, now i am following you. 
ME:  Knock it off! 
Hubs:  what! now I can sned you songs 

ME:  I don't like being followed it is creepy! 

Hubs:  so its OK on facebook, but not a music placce?! 

ME:  You don't follow on facebook you FRIEND on facebook. 

Hubs:  same damn thing 
ME: Not really. I can't friend people that don't want me to friend them...but you can follow me around all you want! 

Sometimes I think he just doesn't understand me.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Orange Theory, Zombies, Drinks Oh my!!!!

First off, I hope everyone had a fantabulous weekend! I sure did! YIKES!

I wanted to write this when things were still fresh in my head but the day after a fashion swap is never too promising!

I started out my day with a great text from my girl Jen! She sends me a text telling me to Have fun but Be safe.

BE SAFE??? So confused.  What the hell are you talking about girlie!

So she explains further : Yep...don't get alcohol poisoning!;)...or trip on a rock, knock yourself unconscious & get eaten by a zombie!

ME:  What if I want to be eaten by a Zombie? Don't you get to become one then?

JEN:  Yeah, but they eat your brains first!

ME:  I don't use it much anyway.

JEN:  Well, I don't want a zombie for a friend, as pro-zombie as I am & all.

I kept this conversation in mind all day, staying on the lookout for those crazy brain eating zombies. Thanks Friend JEN!

My friend Toree is training to work at this place called Orange Theory (otherwise known as the torture chamber!) And being the good friend that I am ... and always willing to do something ONCE if it is Free, I agreed to go to a Friends and Family Session at the Torture Chamber.  We all know how much this girl LOVES PAIN! Bring it!

Those who know me...know very well how I feel about dreadmills (yes I meant that spelling)....and their similarities to the metal wheel that is in a gerbil cage.  So for the first half hour of this session I got to stare at one of two things, my face in a mirror making some not so attractive expressions or the stupid XL clock on the dreadmill!  REALLY TOREE???

**Note to self, next time, bring duct tape to cover the damn clock and tape the towel to the mirror.

I survived it though.  Barely! And now believe I can out run any old Zombie any day!

Next was the floor routine.  No this does not mean you get to lay on the floor for the last half hour of class.  I was slightly disappointed!  Only slightly though because I saw these fun looking straps hanging from the wall.  All I wanted to do was grab them and walk the wall using them and flipping into a back flip.  I guess you had to be there but I promise they looked amazingly fun!

For the floor routine, we had a different trainer.  (BRING BACK TOREE) I love accents.  I really do.  Ok...sometimes I really do.  You know...like when you can fucking understand the person telling you what to do??? Yeah that's when I like them. 

Needless to say though, once I understood better what was going on, I had a lot of fun with the equipment.

#1...I have never used a rowing machine before IN MY LIFE!  There was a really interesting feel to it and I love the intervals of rowing and squats and then rowing and crunches.  Made the crunches a lot more difficult! 

#2...I LOVE TRX but I do not love someone telling me to do bicep curls on the TRX.  Tell me how fair it is to ask a 200 lb women to bicep curl their body weight when you weigh about 115??? BUELLER??? Still feeling them damn things today! HA!

#3... I am totally going to make me a workout like this at home! I know I can just gotta work out the details! buahahah. Oh Honeyyyyyyyyyy I need a favor from you!

#4...I now know that not only can I out run my brain eating friends but if they do decide to try to eat my less than necessary brain, I will be able to fight them off! I am just strong and cool like that!

Leaving Torture Chamber was sad.  I could have stayed all afternoon playing on their wide open floor.  Cartwheels, handstands just goofing off!  I give them mad props for busting my ass Saturday. 
Toree has invited me back for either Friday or Saturday...TOTALLY DOWN!  LACING UP MY SHOES NOW GIRL!

After getting my ass handed to me at the gym, I text my girl Katie to let her know that I had my ass handed to me on a platter and survived.  I knew she would be relieved.  I continued to tell her that I am giving up food, clothing and shelter to be able to afford going three times a week.
We have had lots of conversations about joining gyms and most specifically the Y out by our house.  She already is a member but I can't see spending that much on something I don't feel would push me hard enough. I guess I am just a little too insane for the Y.

Katie:  Why that and not the Y?

ME:  Because it is like having a personal trainer.

Katie:  I see:)

ME:  It is like rough sex....the Y is like a peck on the cheek.

I think she understood it better with the sex analogy! I know I would have.

Saturday Night was Fashion swap night at my co-worker/fashionista friend Rachel's house! Always way too much fun for words.  We had conversations of making a drunken blog but I can't for the life of me remember what we were going to write about that was so funny. I will have to ask Ber next time we communicate! I am quite positive it was amazing material that I will be needing for future blogs.

We all bring clothes we no longer wear and then swap them for things others no longer wear.

It is a very different group of girls.  There are the Real Housewives of Cottage Grove (thanks T ), there are ghetto girls, suburbia girls, there are crazy quiet girls that when they open up because girls that exude awesomeness!

Now get this group of girls in one room and give them some drinks and what do you get?  
Sore cheeks, lots of crazy laughter, amazing new friendships, and one hell of a next day hang over that is so worth it!

Now you all know my first blog...with Mr Chocolate bunny rabbit?  Well Donna read it and thought this would be hilarious!

And it completely was! Ok Donna..you licked it now you gotta eat it! haha

Donna is eccentric to say the least.  She is always coming up with crazy new drinks or things to drink them out of!

Meet the red solo cup boot!  I love anything to do with a red solo cup and what makes it even better...it was a velvet boot! Thanks for giving me a good laugh Donna! (the wine glass in front of me was mine as well!) Well there goes my calorie burn!

I was a good girl and did not drive home from CG to CP because that would just be insane!

The next morning I felt the need to check back in with Jen.

ME:  I survived the Zombies!

Jen:  I am glad you survived, I had a shitty night
(I really hate when friends feel down)

ME:  Oh no honey...you ok?

Jen:  IDK....Just getting-to-know-someone-new misunderstandings. Its fine....or hopefully it'll be.

ME:  Well I am thinking about you.  Maybe he is part Alien....that is something you can totally work through.

Jen:  LOL Yeah, Ive heard that....but if he were zombie that'd be a dealbreaker.

ME:  Yes totally, They are just way too hard to make conversation with.

Jen:  Thats cuz no brains! And they only treat you like a piece of meat! Its sad really.

ME:  Sometimes being treated like a piece of meat is fun. Pretty sure that zomebies make good one night stands.  I am thinking that is not what you are looking for though.

Jen: Not so much.

ME:  Well I knew I was right. I checked with my magic 8 ball!

Jen:  IDK about them making good one nite stands...all that dead flesh and the smell :p

ME:  Well you can get passed that if you drink enough.

This is the point yesterday that I started contemplating a stint of sobriety.  Even if it is only for a month.  Others may really appreciate that! LOL

Thursday, April 12, 2012

About that Crazy dream....

This is what I have found out about that crazy ass dream I had the last few nights. 

It really looks to me that I better be ready for some serious changing! My confidence is going to come out and possibly there will be some lashing to be had by my haters!

Hmmmm Best not make anymore fat jokes Auntie Michelle! 

And the Vampires...well I am taking that as the built up aggression I have on CERTAIN individuals that don't believe in me the way they should! 

To see silver in your dream symbolizes the moon, intuition and the feminine aspects of yourself. It signifies tranquility and understated confidence.

To see or use a dagger in your dream represents some "cutting remark". Perhaps you feel that you have been stabbed in the back.
To dream that you take a dagger from somebody's hand means you will overcome hardships and misfortune.

To see a vampire in your dream symbolizes seduction and sensuality, as well as fear and death. The vampire represents contrasting images of civilized nobility and aggression/ferocity. It may depict someone in your waking life whose charm may ultimately prove harmful. Deep down inside, you know that this person is bad for you, yet you are still drawn to him or her. Vampires also sometimes relate to decisions about sex and losing your virginity. Alternatively, to see a vampire suggests that you are feeling physically or emotionally drained. The vampire may also be symbolic of someone who is addicted to drugs or someone in an obsessive relationship.
To dream that you are a vampire signifies that you are sucking in the life energy of others for your own selfish benefit.
**See The Meaning In Action: "Fighting Vampires & Alluring Vampires"

Fighting Vampires
I need to know why I'm dreaming of fighting and defeating vampires all the time. After waking up from this dream I'm really tired. Please shed some light on the situation.

March 4, 2001
Hello GM,

The vampires in your dream may suggest that you are feeling drained of your life energy and autonomy. In dreaming that you are fighting these vampires, is a literal depiction of your daily struggles with keeping things in order. You may be suffering from exhaustion or feeling overwhelmed in some aspect of your domestic or personal life which explains the tiredness you feel when you wake up.�

Hopefully, I did shed some light on this dream for you.�

Take Care,

The above was brought to you by www.dreammoods.com!   Thanks! 

So my girl Toree told me that I need to post if the Chocolate bunny from yesterday's blog comes creeping itself into my dream.  I had to see what that would mean too.  You know...incase it actually did just that!

Well Toree it looks like if I start seeing that damn bunny, I am in trouble!  Unless of course it just means that I am lovin' on my own hotness!  

I vote I look forward to said  bunny making his appearance so I can love my hotness that will be coming with all the running and weight lifting I be doin'! 

To see chocolate in your dream signifies love celebration and self-reward. It also suggests that you may be indulging in too many excesses and need to practice some restraint.
To eat chocolate in your dream indicates that you are embracing your own sensuality.

Thanks again www.dreammoods.com!  You have proven to be very helpful! 

Here bunny bunny bunny!


Strange thoughts while running this morning

I just wanted to remind myself that I had these today.  I will update you later today on what the hell I am talking about!

Ok so now that I am on my way to work I can continue this post. Don't worry, I am not the one driving!

A little back ground to help you all understand where I am at on my running. I hurt my hip last fall while training for this fucking insane race called the ms mud run. 6k of crazy ski hills, mud and ridiculous obstacles for a good cause of course or I would have passed. Pics or it didn't happen!

 I would never do that for boobs but since my grandma suffers ms I HAD TO be that insane. Maybe if my mom, sister or me got breast cancer it would be quite different I am sure.

 So I just started running again this week. I am slow but what do you expect from a chubby runner! Needless to say, I have a lot of time to think while running nearly 3 miles in the morning. This morning I strapped on my berreta tomcat and my sneaks and headed out into the crisp 4 am air.

What? You don't all run carrying a gun strapped to your belly? Then you must not live in scary suburbia!

I normally use my runs as a good time to organize my thoughts and work out stress issues that have been eating at me. This morning my thoughts were focused on a crazy reoccurring dream I have been having the past few nights.

Have you all seen groundhogs day? Well it was kind of like that but a bit less friendly!

 It starts with this man telling me that my duty is to kill the head vampire. He hands me a silver dagger and sends me out into this dark building. There are vamps everywhere. Chasing me through the halls....trying to trip me. I can only assume that once tripped they would suck my blood but I am far too fast! Of course....it is my dream afterall.

So I finally catch up with the leader and we discuss me stabbing him in the heart. He tells me he would rather I didn't but I tell him "it ain't about you!"

I stab him but in the wrong spot.....and then the dream starts all over. Like a pile of dirty laundry it is never ending. WTF!

Throughout my run I was trying to figure out #1 where the fuck did this dream come from....and #2 why not a wooden stake....what is with the silver dagger. I am hoping I can find an explanation on the internet today. (you can find answers to all the worlds problems on the internet you know)!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

How it all came to be! Well this blog site anyway!

Welcome to my world I guess.  You have been warned!
I had a conversation with my Beach Body Coach Molly today while I was suppose to be working. I am a fabulous multitasker (or at least I try to pretend to be).  We got a good case of the giggles so I decided to share. I will interject at times to keep you with me.
BB Coach Molly:  Hey girly. Is that circuit thing tonight? 

I am doing a circuit training class to help a friend out this weekend.  Molly tries to keep me focused and on task.  I really do feel for her as it is not an easy task for anyone.  Ask my husband.
ME:  No it is on Saturday.

BB Coach Molly:  OH that's right. So how are you doing today?

ME:  really good. Slowly coming off my antidepressants and finding that I have more energy
Should have ran this morning to get some of this energy out! lmao
I have been on the damn things since I was 12.  Out of no where this week...I decided I am done. Wish me luck will ya!

BB Coach Molly:  Wow that is great! Ha. you hyper thang

ME:  I know! I am so excited. My co-worker is laughing at me today and telling me I should take up blogging about life and crazy stupid things I do because apparently I am pretty funny.
I don't see my stupid obsession with food as a good source of humor but I guess others do.
Did you know someone would actually only take PART of a chocolate bunny that is put on a community food table?

BB Coach Molly:  Wow you lost me already! We WOULD HAVE WAY TO MUCH FUN TOGETHER. you sound like me
We have never met in real life as she lives on the East coast.  Spoke on the phone a few times and IM a LOT

ME:  Ok I will break it down for ya lmao. There is a chocolate bunny from easter on the "piggy table" at work. Someone actually just broke part of it off and left the rest there....why wouldn't you just take the whole thing? WHO EATS ONLY PART OF THE BUNNY???

BB Coach Molly:  GOT YA! that is gross cuz they touched it
I guess I didn't really mean it was gross because I wasn't thinking on those lines.  Probably should have used strange or unnatural!

ME: Gross because they touched it and uncomprehendable because they didn't just eat the whole damn thing? I mean really....do you think someone will take the other part or even part of the other part. You wasted some pretty decent chocolate there sir!

BB Coach Molly: how big is it you whack job?;)

ME: LMAO Hmmmm about half of the bunny is still there. It has crispys in it too...did I already tell you that part? I really like crispys in my chocolate. Gives it something fancy!

BB Coach Molly:  you crunchy monkey. ha you still didn't tell me how big the flippin thing is. That REALLY matters
Hmmm keep up sister...I totally said there was HALF the bunny sitting there.

ME:  I did....Half the bunny is still sitting there.You want me to measure it?
I actually did do the measurements and contemplated taking a bite.
2 x 2.5 inches 
Mmmmm bunny.2 x 2
just kidding

BB Coach Molly:  THANK YOU! Yeah so I see your point now at 2 x 2.5inches. but the person is practicing moderaton Amber! Give them that but they should do it on their own bunny ha
And she totally misses that Adjustments in measurements! Amber 1 Beach body coach 0!

ME:  Exactly my point! But I guess it is really everyone's bunny now that I think about it. Once placed on the "piggy table" it is community property.
I should totally use this conversation as my first blog And the decision was made!

BB Coach Molly:  Yes you could, but I would make sure you sugggest taking a shot before they start reading to actually entertain them ! ha jk.Shit I knew I forgot something!

ME:  Hmmm that may help me with another blog I have been trying to read but still cannot find the humor in it. Making note of that. And I did!

BB Coach Molly:  lol
just break out the whole dang bottle

ME:  but it has to be clear to avoid over doing it on calorie load. This is why I <3 vodka

BB Coach Molly:  captain morgan coconut rum in fresca (diet) so good! Dont' talk to me about that. I have had one drink in 9 1/2 months I didn't know my BB Coach was a drinker SWEET!

ME:  I feel for you. If I would have known...I could have started calling you while drinking to remind you why it is ok you are not!

BB Coach Molly:  lol.....don't you have work to do? lol.. I am laying here on my stomach nauseous an dtired as anything from over cleaning and schoolig my children. TAKE THIS BABY OUT
ME:  OMG I forgot I am at work! HA! 
Honestly I didn't forget where I was.. I am completely aware that I have other things I should be doing.  Unfortunately for those things they are not quite as entertaining! So glad she was ok with me using her as my first subject! 

Oh and finally a Pic of what was left of said bunny at the end of the day.  I PROMISE this had nothing to do with me.  After research with a fellow co-worker, we found it was the same person that licks her fingers to separate documents at the printer that used her fingers to break apart the bunny.  Poor bunny!